www.theporterlyreport.blogspot.com
Hey, guys! It's me, Olive! While you're at it, why not bookmark my blog in your favorites? Well, tomorrow I will be seven weeks-old. Can you believe it?! My mom keeps trying to bargain with me to stop growing up and to stay her little baby, but I have other plans. I'm a mover and a shaker, folks... except during nap time. Recently, my mom had to pack up all my newborn clothes because I am growing like an adorable little weed. I have long legs, like my dad (I pretty much got everything from that guy) and I've moved into the exciting stage of 0-3 months. I've gained about 50% of my original body weight since I was born, and I'm weighing in at a hefty 9ish pounds. Mom calls me her "little chunk of bologna." I'm not sure I like this nickname so much... Here's a picture of me in my first 0-3 month outfit. It was the first sleeper mom bought me before she knew I was a girl, but fortunately, I look great in yellow. Most brunettes can't pull it off, but then again, I'm not "most brunettes," now am I?
I'm gaining all this weight because I'm a really good eater. I'm also a really good spitter-upper. Actually, spitting up is an understatement for what I can do. There's nothing like hosing down your folks with some partially-digested milk when you're up for a laugh. Usually, Mom is on the receiving end of my little joke, but last week I got my dad pretty good. He literally screamed, "Help! Help!" to get my mom to come running from the other room. Before she did "help," though, she insisted on snapping a picture MUCH to my dad's dismay. 
The good news is, I really love my bath time, so this is a good way to get my mom to bathe me on days when she's not supposed to. I've got it all figured out... I'm advanced. Here I am enjoying my bath just this morning. Thanks, Mom, for your discretion in cropping out my lady parts. 
I always cry when it's time to get out. Probably because I know my hair is going to look crazy. Here are some shots of what I look like post-bath. 
And the finished product: 
Wow, Mom. You should be a hand model. Intrude on my pictures, much? All this weight gain means I'm also getting too big for my newborn diapers. Fortunately, Granna made me a beautiful diaper cake with lots of size one diapers. I plan to make short work of them. My mom hated to take the diaper cake apart, so she took this picture so we could remember it always: 
My Granna loves me so much, she even hand-painted all the owls and the birdhouse on my cake. It was quite a production. Granna came to visit me last weekend, and we got in lots of good cuddle time. 
Granna's friend, Liz Apple, made me this cool hat. I've been told I pretty much look like the cutest thing ever in it. 
Being such a sweet baby means I am constantly showered with wonderful tokens of affection. Just yesterday, my grandad sent me a Bonsai tree. He wrote me a letter explaining that, like me, it will need to be carefully cultivated. Get it? I'm the tree and my parents are the gardeners. It's a metaphor... I'm advanced. It also came with a thick book entitled, 101 Essential Bonsai Tips: Breaks down the subject into 101 easy-to-grasp tips. Now I may be new to this whole thing, but if there are 101 tips, it hardly sounds "easy". That's cool, Grandad. I'm up for the challenge. But apparently no one told you that my mom doesn't have much of a green thumb (or any other green fingers) so you may want to give her some hints. 
Here I am on my beautiful "Eye-Spy" quilt Great Grammy made me. I could play for MINUTES (which in baby-time is pretty long, as far as attention spans go) on this thing. Each strip of fabric is different and it gives me lots of fun things to look at while I play with all my developmentally-appropriate toys. 
My mom also got a new toy two weeks ago... It's called an elliptical machine. Sometimes I even nap long enough for her to use it. Mom says it's going to help get her "badonk-a-donk back in business." She's a little nervous about meeting all of Daddy's new co-workers at the Holiday party tomorrow. She told dad she was going to introduce herself by saying, "I just had a baby 7 weeks ago. I don't normally look like this!" To which Dad replied, "You still have time." Dad! You dope! You were supposed to say, "You already look fantastic, honey. I'm going to be the luckiest guy at that party!" I'm only seven weeks-old, and I even knew this one! 
Speaking of napping, my mom was able to capture the following on video. Sometimes, I like to sleep with my eyes open, and roll them around. (Dad thinks it's a little freaky.) This is also when I do some of my BEST smiles. Please enjoy: Well, I think that about catches us up. For now, I'm looking forward to my first Christmas. It'd be nice if my folks put up some decorations. You have a baby now, for crying out loud! Show a little holiday spirit. Hang some stockings or something! Sheesh!
Signing off,
Olive
